My dad. My dad has been the most active man I’ve ever known! At 65 he is as fit as most 45 year olds wish to be. 4 years ago he was training for yet another bicycle ride across TN. Aka “the brat” when his front tire flattened an he lost control while coasting down a mount in east Tennessee. Landing on his neck in a ditch. He broke on of the vertebra in his neck. At the time he had no insurance. So instead of fitting him with a halo the doctors put a screw in his neck. This screw whenever he moves period, is rubbing a nerve and causing his entire body to go numb. He can stand, walk, move his arm and hands just fine,… But he goes completely numb and will fall after just a minute of activity. Many surgeons are afraid to fix the screw in his neck. But being confined to a chair cause a screw is poking your nerves is no life to live for a mountain man! It breaks my heart to see him this way. I wish desperately I knew someone in Nashville that would help him. I anyone knows a surgeon that really likes to help people live real quality of life,.. Please let me know! He is now living in a assisted living facility with dying elderly! He doesn’t belong here!

I know many won’t read this post but if you do please share it so I can spread the word.

Curtis has been gone now for 15 days. At first it seemed like a mini vacation,.. Cause let’s face it, he and I are never apart. But now I’m beginning to feel the pain of his distance. I’ve never felt so anxious for any one thing before in my life. Urijah is starting to make for better conversations but who wants Yo talk about juice and kitties all day? I miss him terribly. I’m so proud o who he is and the sacrifice he’s made to better our family and his future. But late at night when I can’t sleep, I wonder why I opened my big mouth and suggested all of this. This too shall pass,… Right?

Today was definitely a new day for my new path. School for kids was closed so my niece Hayden came over to hang with the coolest cousin on the planet. Unfortunately, for her he cried most of the day! After breakfast we tried to embark upon xbox kinect sports. Now, I use the word Tried for a reason,.. The xbox would not work! W. T. F. ?? Of all the times when I need to be getting my sweat on, the brand new xbox won’t work. So, like Magiver the king of gadgetry,.. I hooked up a fan, cooled it off and prayed it would work. 3 hours later after breakfast, screaming, nap-time, lunch and a nagging 5 year old,.. It worked! Hayden kicked my ass at track and field!

We kept the game after Hayden had gone. Later on I was giving Urijah his bath and suddenly Thunder! The craziest banging sound I’ve ever heard. I quickly realize its my husband jumping hurdles and running track… In the living room!

I don’t dig the cold unless I’m strapped to a snowboard so bless you xbox for creating Kinect! Today was a good productive day and I didn’t require a nap.

Side note: why do sports bras give you uniboob? They don’t even keep the boobies from bouncing! Damn you.

So, tonight I attempted Zumba on our xbox kinect. I looked a lot like the chic from Seinfeld when she’d start throwing those crazy thumbs around. Best part was Urijah jumping in and shaking his tiny hinny! I didn’t last very long but something is better than nothing right?

I definitely fell asleep today after finishing the first very looong chapter of my new book. I can’t figure out why I do that? Tomorrow maybe I’ll take a shower during his nap time. Maybe it will get me up and going better than sitting in bed reading? It’s hard to have “me time” with a 1 year old!

I’m thinking about moving all the crap from around the treadmill tomorrow and doing a little jogging,.. Thinking an doing are two very different things. Are there some kind if “doer” pills out there I am unaware of? If not, I will Zumba with my 5 year old niece.

This morning I give organic another try. I’ve eaten organic and wholesome foods for years but the line always becomes incredibly blurry when I see a box of sugary goodness better known as cereal. Every morning I wake to the tune of a screaming baby. I stumble downstairs and make a bottle. And then I make him breakfast. Always something good for him. Protein in the a.m. Is very good for us. So, he always has organic eggs with some cheese, likely some organic yogurt and banana. Then I make Curtis some hot tea for his drive to work and a muscle milk cause he doesn’t have time for breakfast,.. Sense he gets up for work 5 minutes prior to leaving. Eventually I’ll eat cereal or whatever Urijah doesn’t finish.

Then it hits me! My eyes weigh a hundred pounds! My body feels like led. Urijah’s first nap of the day can’t come soon enough so I can sleep off my breakfast. Every day I wake with the intent that today will be different! I’m gonna get stuff done. And then zonk,.. I’m out! And good productive hours of my day are gone.

So, I know it will take a couple days to stop my droopy eyes but here’s praying all the cereal, ice cream, poptart, and corndogs get me down no more! This mornings menu:

• scrambled eggs • organic plain yogurt and a table spoon of granola • 1 cup of coconut milk

Now to read my book and fight sleep!

   I walked blank minded into a bookstore yesterday,..not knowing what I was looking for. Simply hoping a book would jump off it’s shelf and into my arms ready to fix all my woes, like those people that drop open a bible and read the first thing they see hoping for an epiphany or a miracle of some sort.  I mentioned a book I thought I might stomach to read to an employee, she didn’t know what I was talking about so blindly I mozied through the isles. I definitely do not know my way around a bookstore. I saw a book,… practically jumping out at me. A man surrounded by many shielding themselves from the rain and he standing with both arms outstretched facing upward to the Downpour that was upon them. I quickly snatched the book up thinking to myself,.. I wanna be that man! I scanned frantically over the back of the book pretending to care what it was actually about… I realized I was holding a workbook to a book of which of course I don’t know how to find in this maze of knowledge they call organized. I located the book with the help of a staff member, bought it and drove home thinking,… it’s gonna be a good one! (I hope)

  See, I don’t like to read! I’d much rather watch a movie or draw or write or anything for that matter, maybe even do dishes? But I need to make some changes in my hohum of a life I’ve built for myself. Now being a mom myself, I realize we lead by example. I have spent so many of my years revolting against family members and “leaders” for always putting that higher expectation on me as a child to be “better than they where.” Learn from our mistakes, they always say. But as children we learn how to be from watching you,.. we mimic your way of being, your integrity or lack-there-of, your sense of humor or weather or not you keep promises,.. even your eating patterns and how you spend your time.

  My son loves TV. You know why? I love TV. He’s only 1. This should not be the case. I force him to eat things that even I don’t want to eat because they are good for him. I tell him not to yell or whine when I am in turn doing just that,.. yelling or whining. We are all a product of our environment. I have always hated my “environment” and tried to create my own. Now being back at home with my parents,.. I’ve backpedaled into my own hell.

  In the Introduction it states this…

  “What if there was a book so concerned about your life in this moment that it made no attempt to make you Feel good, but rather reached out like a lifeguard in an emergency and freed you from what your soul has been wallowing in for so long?”

  So, slowly but progressively I’m making a change. Not just for myself but for the future of the heart that beats within my sweet Urijah. He will not grow to know obesity like my family or alcoholism like his fathers family or laziness from his momma or apathy from his daddy. He will in turn become a new creation…